Friday, 26 April 2013

The Debt


Dark, amorphous energy impatiently waits at the edge of consciousness.

The moment Life slips away, payment is recovered from my broken body.

Tear-soaked family, oblivious to my predicament, shudder uncontrollably as I'm taken.

41 comments:

  1. Deep and well written. You should win this week and I haven't read anyone else.

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  2. that was simple and beautiful.
    WE all see death in so many different ways.

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    1. Yeah this one kind of got away on me

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  3. 33 word death scene and so eloquent!

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  4. That second sentence got me - especially, "payment is recovered".

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  5. Great words and I love the picture. Is that an Edvard Munch painting?

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    1. Good eye Stephen I had to go check but it is a Munch

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  6. Dark and poignant. It feels very real.

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    1. Thanks Lum I actually agonized over this.

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  7. Beautiful piece Sam! Love the mood in this. And your use of "dark, amorphous energy" is fantastic!

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    1. Thanks Suzanne, is wasn't sure if "amorphous energy" would portray what I was after... but apparently it did.

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  8. That was scary-to think what kind of payment we all will have to make when we finally get to meet our creator(hopefully)!Loved this dark foreboding piece Sam:-)

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    1. Ya I guess I all depends on when they started counting. I hoping for 35 and on ...

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  9. Energy waiting at the edge of consciousness - I really love this bit.

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    1. Thanks keely I'm glad it wasn't too abtract

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  10. Having read this I hope that I will have come to terms with my life and been granted forgiveness for any wrongdoings I may have committed. Thought provoking.

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    1. hahaha Barb we a got a little house cleaning t odo but its never too late - or so they tell ne

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  11. "Payment is recovered..." that is a gasp maker. Nicely done, Sam!

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  12. Replies
    1. Se switched Draug you rhymed and poem and I depressed myself.

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  13. Energy waiting, life slipping away, family crying - what an amazingly visual account!

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  14. So sad. The family grieving is a difficult image to reconcile. Nicely done.

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    1. Thanks conflict is art of it right?

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  15. Wow. This is wonderful. I have had a couple 'near death' experiences too long to fill up your comment section with. I'll briefly say, I have had a couple moments where it seems I'm being taken and cannot quite tell the people crying to hush and help me. Your piece is absolutely amazing. Describing both sides, the grieving family and the one dying. Loved it.

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    1. Thanks this is actually based on a time I was in a coma for a few days.

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  16. Total "Ghost" moment with the heebie-jeebie shiver included! The universal energy: dark, light or transparently neutral.
    You nailed this in my book, Sam.

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    1. Hey thanks Kymm. It's an opening to a story I'm writing

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  17. Wow. I love this. It is nicely juxtaposed with the background of your blog page. :)

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    1. I have been debating changing my background and your comment put me over the edge - I mean really how is anyone ever going take me seriously with snoopy all over the place.

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  18. It's as if the photo was the prompt... nice use of words, especially the prompt.

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  19. Nicely pulled out from Sam's Edge of consciousness!

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