Monday, 29 April 2013

The Riddler


"Stop mumbling you twit. I can never understand you!!" The boss was in fine form this morning and I’d managed to get him extra crispy by mumbling into his bad ear. 

And I was feeling quite smug about it.

"Oh um, I said ‘it only takes a thimble full’ Sir?" My voice raised a few octaves at the end in an attempt to transform my weak-ass recovery into a hopeful question.

His brow furrows.

Oh god, not now - I start giggling.

"A thimble full of what? What in god's name are you talking about? What's so goddamn funny?"

"You wouldn’t find it funny sir, trust me." Repressed giggles threaten to leak from my ears.

Face now crimson, “Oh is that so. I’ll decide what is and what is not funny. Now what’s so fucking funny?”

As I take a deep breath and choke back the giggling I hear the distinct sound of another door slamming shut on my career.

“Well sir, every Monday for the past seven months I have come into your office to 'debrief'. Now, I don’t just walk in and start talking. I put real time and effort into my pitches. I am always sure to be on time, focused and in touch with current events.

And every Monday you fidget, snort, grunt and give me the same blank, backwards stare. You then proceed to hand me an assignment based on what you had for dinner last night or whom you are currently fucking.

The trouble I have is where to fix my gaze while you hand down my weekly punishment. I would look at your beard but there is always disgusting crusty bits lurking there. Looking in your lazy eye is equally objectionable. I settle on your forehead.

Herein lies the problem.

What’s funny, Sir, is when you furrow your brow the lines on your fat head contort into a perfectly formed, and quite hilarious, question mark and some of us have taken to calling you the Riddler.”


Tricefta Prompt: Door
Word Count 333

51 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha! This is funny! I can just picture that question mark!

    And crusty beards...not good!

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  2. Take this job and shove it, I don't work here no more - I bestow on you the Johnny Paycheck kiss my azz award. I know you will display it proudly. Good stuff.

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    1. A little vicarious living through my writing haha

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  3. I can really picture this guy. Now how do I un-picture him?

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    1. haha not a pretty picture is it.

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  4. I hear you giggling. *g* What every underappreciated employees wish they could say to a curmudgeon of a boss. BTW, you want to change "precede" in your story to "proceed".

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  5. That's...quite the unique talent he has there xD

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  6. Perhaps this sudden loss of employment will open a door to moonlighting as a caped crusader? This is a fun piece. Great job with the prompt!

    Thanks for linking up! Remember to come back to vote!

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    1. haha so his rant opens another door... I need another 333 words for that one.

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  7. Someone has issues with his boss, not only in this story - clearly his ex-boss though! Funny!

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    1. He has an attitude problem fo sho

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  8. I'm sure the "extra crispy" boss was able to handle his truth with grace. Hahaha! If you would never say it to your boss, then write a story about it :)

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  9. Bad bosses...

    Amusing story though - something most of us have wished we could do one day (I did explain to one bad boss how the comb over was a poor choice in hair do, and how men with comb overs are harder to trust because when we look at them we always wonder what else are they hiding?)

    p.s. is this for the BACKWARDS prompt too?

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    1. Yes I did mangage to slide it in there after the fact: "Blank,backwards stare" for the Studio 30 prompt.

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  10. Talk about endings! That was hilarious. What great, great details.

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  11. omg! Crusty bits in the beard...oh,...question mark furrows, oh boy! Really fine. Hope the job market improves soon.

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    1. haha ya another door should open

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  12. You've painted everyone's dream boss, Sam. Fidgeting, snorting and grunting! And, of course, you let us all tell him off vicariously! Thank you.

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  13. Ha amazing. I don't know what it is about the voice you used here, but it's just that perfect note of giddy, nervous glee that you'd feel finally telling your boss off (the boss character, by the way, was also right on). Good one, Sam!

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  14. That certainly was the door slamming on the MC's career! But what a way to go. Nice one.

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  15. I laughed out loud at: 'Repressed giggles threaten to leak from my ears.' I very rarely do that! Well done :)

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  16. This is fabulous! Love how your character decides to go out in a blaze of glory. Very well told and such a fun, satisfying read.

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    1. BLaze of glory ... exactly haha

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  17. At least he'll be laughing while he's clearing out his desk. Great descriptions.

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  18. I really like how your character took such pains to dissect every ugly detail about his boss. Funny, clever and cathartic. Well done.

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  19. We've all had that bad boss whom we've wanted to call out with great aplomb. Takes some cajones to do it in such dramatic fashion. I'm jealous of your character. Fun, fun!

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  20. This is so funny and a very unique way of closing another door to careers. LOL. Perfect.

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  21. I like the "backwards stare." I've only ever seen it on a boss one time, back in my retail days. Apparently, it is very difficult, as only managers are able to execute it with any degree of success.

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    1. here in northern Canada it's a direct product on in breading.

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  22. This was too funny!Enjoyed this totally!:-)

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  23. I loved this, I think the dialogue was just so 'right' I could hear it. LM x

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