Friday, 4 April 2014

Registered Mail

Shay is kicking it old school in the Garden with some old fashioned snail mail. I took a bit of a dark turn turn on this one. The last letter I got was registered mail for the Custody Agreement mediated between me and my Ex - by far my darkest hours. 

I worked in my favourite song of all time Behind Blue Eyes. I posted both versions of the Song - the original by the Who and and remix by Limp Bizkit. I like the Who better. The new version is well sung but they left out the one verse that is my favourite lyric of all time in song or poetry: 

When my fist clenches, crack it open 
Before I use it and lose my cool 
When I smile, tell me some bad news 
Before I laugh and act like a fool 

And If I swallow anything evil 
Put your finger down my throat 
And If I shiver, please give me a blanket 
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat 

[That's why Fred Durst is the Worst.]

Behind Blue Eyes (The Who Original)

I refuse to sign today
for self-inflicted tragedy
the evil that I didn't swallow
my hamster had a speed wobble
then Speedy had a heart attack
I had to stop and take a tick
but if I choke
who'll stick their finger down my throat?

I hate those pricks 
those courthouse bricks of family sicknesses
held by mortar made of horrified 
and mortified little kids
who had to choose
and always loose 
no matter what they did.

Should I sign for misery?
register my apathy?
In the case of him and her 
Overseen by hatchet face
Gunna put me in my place
I'll take the head 
You take the rest 
If I confess would you take less?
Would you feel these feelings like I do? 
and I blame YOU

"Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah"
What the fuck was that?

Charlie Brown's teacher talking 
reading mediated papers
in the the case of me and you
no adultery but we're sick 
of getting screwed
Roger Daultry ringing in my ear
nobody knows what it's like
to be jaded and so faded
and to carry all these lies

Discover whether weekends 
and a birthday here and there
are enough to Limp along 
and show how much I care 
but maybe there's loophole here
maybe I won't fail?
if I never sign 
Maybe I can buy more time
if I never sign 
Registered Mail.

Behind Blue Eyes (The Who Original)


  1. That second stanza packs a hell of a punch. Wow.

  2. We always see divorce through the eyes of the child and know too well their pain, but you have ripped the lid off what the adult feels, particularly the father , who needs must suffer the greater separation. I admire your unstinting descriptions of self-recrimination, and attempts to come to terms with a fragmented family.

  3. Powerful, Sam. Horrible when kids have to choose. Impossible, really. My daughter is 42 and still remembers being three and her distress when her father left. You really nailed it, in this poem. "I'll take the head, you take the rest". That's about it....and somewhere their hearts have to travel both directions.

  4. Great release. Very powerful. I've seen your pain through friends and their divorces. The only thing I can offer is to just be there...whatever the case is...whatever deal you make...just be there for your kids. That's more than half the job. Forget the failed relationship. Ashes now. I've seen it from both sides, from both ends of the argument, with scandals and betrayals, some amicable and some hostile, and the only thing I know that helps everyone get through it is for both parents to be there, in person, over the phone, email, whatever. And fight for that Xmas, that birthday, those extra weekends. Don't let her push you out. Implant yourself in their lives. Call them often. Talk about a stupid tv show. Chat, text, send emails about a silly comic strip. Fight for the 70/30, 60/40 or maybe even 50/50 time. It will seem like crazy, it will turn your world upside down, but you will be with them, your kids, making memories, living life, buying milk and eating a sandwiches, the simple stuff, and they will remember you fought for them. When they are older, adults with hindsight and the ability to take a step back and look at the whole picture, they will remember these things about you, fondly and with respect.

    Sorry if I sound angry. I've just seen too many bi***es (pardon my French) push fathers away because of their own personal issues, and deprive their kids of an important relationship as a result.

    1. i couldn't agree with this more and i hope that this will change very soon. Father's and children suffer because of the gender biased court system.

  5. I actually worked out okay in the end but going through losing ful custody to part time is a heavy load - it's a real grieving process. It peaked last summer and we're all good now but it did leave me jaded towards the system. I also found out who was there for me and who I needed to cut loose in my life which turned out to be good thing also. Thanks for your kind words.

    1. there is no doubt that the system is jaded and gender biased toward women. I hope that this will change soon and that father's will be able to spend more time with their children.

  6. These children of ours have such a claim on our hearts and thrive in the bask of our love for them.

  7. What a torturous event for all involved. You've really shared the raw emotions. Very powerful.

  8. Oh my, that second stanza does strike one right in the gut. Kids pays such a high price in divorce...they take on guilt that was never their own. This is incredible work!!

  9. I love the way you've taken off from The Who song and really rocked it. This really delivers, even if you won't accept delivery. Cool write!

  10. wow! My boyfriend (and indirectly I) face this now. He sees his young boys so much less than he should and it is so unfair. I just hope that one day soon society will understand the harm that comes from this. These children will be young teens and then adults one day...and the statistics on children from fatherless homes are not pleasant.

  11. Sam, I am so sorry-this really does pack a wallop of pain. I can't imagine- It is so cruel to have the child's spirit torn and divided. I can tell you are a great dad. Be the best you, Sam and you will paint her heart with happy memories to heal the scars~
    Your poem is bravo good.

  12. it would be so much better if there weren't any many sufferers because of this....the lines so deeply touch...

  13. "if I never sign
    Maybe I can buy more time"

    that is such wishful thinking… I like some of the advice here, stay tuned in no matter what - when kids get to a certain age, they will KNOW a lot more than you think. All your efforts now will pay off. I know you miss them like hell, but they need both parents now more than ever - just let them know you love them and will always be there. A very powerful poem!


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