Friday, 8 March 2013

Closure ...






Driving to the bridge was uneventful.

Relief and panic came in waves.

She was heavy and awkward ... difficult to the end.

She hit the water gracefully … and sank like a stone.


43 comments:

  1. Yikes! There is a lot of death and murder going on this weekend. :) I liked this in particular: "She was heavy and awkward ... difficult to the end." Says a lot about the background relationship as well as the action of the story.

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  2. Lol well tat was the assignment ... I have gone from Dr. Seuss to Touching Father Daughter stories to Murder ,,, Trifecta has been quite the ride. I can't wait to see what's next!

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  3. "Heavy and awkward" means someone was determined. Love the darkness! This was a full story in my mind. Great job.

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  4. Ooh, very dark and sinister! Love how much character and story you've packed into your 33 words. Well done!

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  5. What lovely chills this gave me! I can just see the body hitting the water gracefully, and then sinking like a stone! Well done!

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  6. Uh-oh, another murder. I'd better be extra nice to my husband tonight!

    I like the difficult to the end bit - says so much about what led up to the body disposal.

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  7. Hey well I'm just mixing it up :) I can't be all cupcakes and Dr Seuss.

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  8. Sorry Sam but, my first thoughts were that you were drowning kittens. I've seen a few sacks of cats hit the water before. I suppose they do it with puppies sometimes, too. Wasn't thinking about humans but, that happens, too. Good writing, sir! Lots of potential answers to the questions your pieces poses. PS: I have never drown kittens, puppies or people, just so we're all straight about that. :)

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  9. Kittens and Puppies! Oh my - now THAT"S deep and serious. Ha ha. Nice profile pic btw. You have a little one as well?

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  10. I never once thought kittens, then I do have a somewhat sinister mind.
    Loved the line, "She was heavy and awkward ... difficult to the end." They so often are!
    Great piece of writing.

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  11. Sinister, a little cruel and I love it!

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  12. Oh wow. I didn't know we were going there until she sank. I loved that little surprise. Very visual, too. My only criticism would be the word "forever." Or maybe just that it's italicized. I think the rest of your language here is elevated enough where a hyperbole like "forever" reads a bit more immature than the rest of the piece. Just my two cents. Thanks for linking up!

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    1. Hmm....but if the narrator were young, then the hyperbole of forever might be part of the narrator's vocabulary.

      A nice mystery.

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    2. How about "The drive to the lake was uneventful"

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    3. If so, then I agree with Trifecta.

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    4. ?? If so?? missed that.??

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  13. Excellent - thanks for that. Do you mean that "forever" is too much - maybe more subtle wording? love the feedback! And I'm glad it the plot wasn't obvious

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  14. Sam - pretty basic from me - I liked it :-)

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  15. Fantastic imagery & good flow!

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    1. thanks :) nothing to spare with 33 words

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  16. I thought it was good. Everyone has their own problems!

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  17. Good riddance,I should say;-)What a cool murder story Sam & that too in only 33 words!I loved it:-)(I have a taste for murder ,as most of my previous entries will tell you-had to hold my horses this weekend & veer my mind towards something different,lol!)

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    1. Yup - see ya. Ha! I've seen your twisted tales.

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  18. wonderful writing. enjoyed the darkness in this piece
    :)

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  19. Difficult to the end--ha! Great piece.

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  20. Ohhhh. Dark piece. Beautiful. That loooong drive at the beginning is telling.

    de
    whimsygizmo.worpress.com

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  21. oh my. You hit on so many emotions in such a few words.

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    1. I am really getting to love these 33 word challenges.

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  22. i will like to quote the meaning of a 2 line poetry in URDU. which means :

    That stone will break after few time because i have hit that with love.

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    1. I love that Mohammad - thank you!

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  23. I am going through a very emotional breakup after 6 years. I feel like im dragging some very heavy baggage of dysfunctional memories. Reading this poem fit perfectly as I imagine the ride to be uneventful and the further away the bridge the better. Dumping the bag once and for all would be the traumatically blissful release that I cant seem to find. In other words, I cant seem to find the bridge and even if I did, am I ready to cross it? Anyway, I love the poem and the rest of your work. Carry on. ;-)

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