Friday, 15 November 2013


I've been told certain female spiders will eat their mates after sex.

Seems a little extreme ..
but logical.

I'll just take a sandwich,
or a nap,
or more sex.

I wonder what would happen
if a male spider tried that?

Lucky for me I'm scared of spiders.
Probably because I dated so many.

(and I have the chunks out of my ass
to prove it)

On our first date my wife took me
to see Spiderman the Movie.


So far she hasn't eaten me
but she's bitten me
and beaten me
in every single game of crib we ever played...

.... and Old Maid

… but I can still beat her in an arm wrestle.

Sometime she hides behind a door 
and then jumps out with a roar.
She tries to make me scream like a little girl.

She's a nerd 
not a spider.
So am I.

I NEVER scream like a little girl.

I scream like a man ... 

a very effeminate man.

Spiders make me scream like a man too.

She laughs at me with my daughters ...
and I can live with that.

(But I'd rather be a Toad - they eat spiders)

Over at the Imaginary Garden, Fireblosom has us revisiting one of our favourites from our own poetry. It didn't take me long to figure out which one I wanted to share. I was just reading this one today. It is the first Poem I posted when I started sharing with the Real Toads in June this year. (I get the feeling that there may be a few spiders in the garden.)


  1. Oh, this is wonderful, Sam, I love it, from the Spiderman date to "I'd rather be a Toad"! (Me, too.)

  2. This is wonderfully light-hearted!

  3. ha. chunks out of your ass to prove it...
    my wife and i play games most every night...
    we keep it about even though but when she really
    wants to get me she makes me play concentration.

  4. Ha..ha.. how delightful ~ I enjoy reading light and fun poems such as yours during weekends ~

  5. Sam, how wonderful!!! Whimsical and funny and well done!!!

  6. I haven't seen you lately, Sam. This was a delight to read!

  7. How adorable...this made me giggle!

  8. haha funny ....he's exaggerating on me beating him all the time in games (except Mario bros) we're pretty even :) .....I'm "geeking" you up :) love you xoxo

  9. wonderful Sam even if it was a little high pitch like a male effeminate voice screaming LOL!

  10. Boris the spider would never get eaten! I'm glad that you haven't either, Sam. We like having you around the Pond! This made me smile.

    Off to work on my web....

    1. Wow FB love the obscure Who reference. Good pull.

  11. Spiders are always welcome in the Imaginary Garden - they'd be in good company.

  12. very light hearted but with an underlying message I think...

  13. wonderful of expressing some good thoughts.....

  14. Totally delightful, flirting with intimacy and danger.

  15. Oh I so enjoyed this, Sam. Especially the screaming like a little girl, er, a man. Hilarious. I've been known to leap out from behind doors too. My kids all have nervous tics. (just kidding!)

  16. Love this revisit. Spiders do give me a fright....oh, and I am sure that scream you give is definitely

  17. I love the edges of this web! So fun to read and imagine...I love this flirty poem!

  18. A most delightful romp through your web .. I mean world!

  19. LOL. Cool one, Sam ~

  20. This poem is delightful. But please don't eat Red!!

  21. Delightful stuff. Spider love is just one of the webs marriage will entangle you in. Enjoy.

  22. This is fun, Sam! I enjoy the tone throughout. :)

  23. Laughed a lot here, Sam--thanks for starting my morning with a dose of acute realism. ;_) Nerds rule.

  24. Spiders! hey, an early date with my husband was Spiderman, too... pretty sure it was his idea, though. :)

  25. Haaaa!!!! I hate spiders to, but what makes me scream like a little girl around here are scorpions...hate, hate, hate them. Sounds to me like you got a good nerd...even if she tries to make you scream and if your gonna scream, might as well do it like a girl, I do. Great write!


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