Friday, 26 April 2013

The Debt


Dark, amorphous energy impatiently waits at the edge of consciousness.

The moment Life slips away, payment is recovered from my broken body.

 Tear-soaked family, oblivious to my predicament, shudder uncontrollably as I'm taken.

Posted by at

40 comments:

  1. Anonymous26 April 2013 at 11:19

    Lovely-creepiness!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ann Bennett26 April 2013 at 11:42

    Deep and well written. You should win this week and I haven't read anyone else.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Kir26 April 2013 at 11:55

    that was simple and beautiful.
    WE all see death in so many different ways.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maggie Grace26 April 2013 at 12:34

    33 word death scene and so eloquent!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous26 April 2013 at 12:58

    That second sentence got me - especially, "payment is recovered".

    ReplyDelete
  6. stephen Hayes26 April 2013 at 18:42

    Great words and I love the picture. Is that an Edvard Munch painting?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown27 April 2013 at 00:58

      Good eye Stephen I had to go check but it is a Munch

      Delete
  7. lumdog201227 April 2013 at 04:10

    Dark and poignant. It feels very real.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown27 April 2013 at 08:03

      Thanks Lum I actually agonized over this.

      Delete
  8. Suzanne27 April 2013 at 05:38

    Beautiful piece Sam! Love the mood in this. And your use of "dark, amorphous energy" is fantastic!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown27 April 2013 at 08:05

      Thanks Suzanne, is wasn't sure if "amorphous energy" would portray what I was after... but apparently it did.

      Delete
  9. Anonymous27 April 2013 at 12:01

    Sadness creatively conveyed!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Atreyee27 April 2013 at 14:30

    That was scary-to think what kind of payment we all will have to make when we finally get to meet our creator(hopefully)!Loved this dark foreboding piece Sam:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown28 April 2013 at 02:09

      Ya I guess I all depends on when they started counting. I hoping for 35 and on ...

      Delete
  11. Unknown27 April 2013 at 15:15

    Energy waiting at the edge of consciousness - I really love this bit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown28 April 2013 at 02:14

      Thanks keely I'm glad it wasn't too abtract

      Delete
  12. allmylivesnow27 April 2013 at 16:50

    Having read this I hope that I will have come to terms with my life and been granted forgiveness for any wrongdoings I may have committed. Thought provoking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown28 April 2013 at 02:11

      hahaha Barb we a got a little house cleaning t odo but its never too late - or so they tell ne

      Delete
  13. Renee27 April 2013 at 18:55

    "Payment is recovered..." that is a gasp maker. Nicely done, Sam!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Draug27 April 2013 at 20:01

    Ooo dark and spooky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown28 April 2013 at 02:08

      Se switched Draug you rhymed and poem and I depressed myself.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous28 April 2013 at 00:45

    Energy waiting, life slipping away, family crying - what an amazingly visual account!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Trifecta28 April 2013 at 01:45

    So sad. The family grieving is a difficult image to reconcile. Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous28 April 2013 at 06:14

    Wow. This is wonderful. I have had a couple 'near death' experiences too long to fill up your comment section with. I'll briefly say, I have had a couple moments where it seems I'm being taken and cannot quite tell the people crying to hush and help me. Your piece is absolutely amazing. Describing both sides, the grieving family and the one dying. Loved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown29 April 2013 at 01:40

      Thanks this is actually based on a time I was in a coma for a few days.

      Delete
  18. kymm28 April 2013 at 07:51

    Total "Ghost" moment with the heebie-jeebie shiver included! The universal energy: dark, light or transparently neutral.
    You nailed this in my book, Sam.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown29 April 2013 at 01:39

      Hey thanks Kymm. It's an opening to a story I'm writing

      Delete
  19. Anonymous28 April 2013 at 17:27

    Wow. I love this. It is nicely juxtaposed with the background of your blog page. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown29 April 2013 at 01:38

      I have been debating changing my background and your comment put me over the edge - I mean really how is anyone ever going take me seriously with snoopy all over the place.

      Delete
  20. tedstrutz29 April 2013 at 06:41

    It's as if the photo was the prompt... nice use of words, especially the prompt.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous29 April 2013 at 08:34

    Nicely pulled out from Sam's Edge of consciousness!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping for a visit. You comments are appreciated.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)